Changing chocolate for good

Attention all citizens

Nick Johns-WickbergComment

Intelligence reports have confirmed that four pioneers known as The Chocolution have gained control of a key sector of the Kew Gardens complex and begun turning the Banks Building into a working chocolate factory.

Armed with sacks full of cacao beans and some highly specialised chocolate-making equipment, The Chocolutionaries say they are fed up with the current state of the chocolate industry and won’t leave the building until they’ve taught the public how real chocolate is made, from bean to bar.

“For too long the good people of the United Kingdom have put up with second-rate, overly artificial chocolate from the supermarket, which has distanced us from the truth behind this amazing food,” head Chocolutionary Kieran Renihan announced from inside the complex.

“We’re here to show you that chocolate can be fresh, it can be healthy and it can be so much tastier than the imitation you know. I urge you to come down and experience real chocolate for yourself!”

With their extensive knowledge of chocolate and passion for widespread change, this charismatic troupe is considered a grave threat to the security of the established chocolate industry. Should you encounter one of these Chocolutionaries, DO approach them, say hi and ask to try their chocolate – it’s delicious.

Citizens can support The Chocolution’s campaign by heading down to the Banks Building at Kew Gardens between Saturday March 28 and Sunday April 12. There are 10 tours through the factory per day, each lasting 30 minutes. Entry coupons can be bought for a nominal sum of British pounds and include the half-hour learning experience, several varieties of fresh chocolate to taste and some chocolate samples to take home, alongside tasting notes and other vital information:

Adults £5;

Members and children £4;

Families £15 (2 adults, 2 children);

Families members £13;

Entry to the gardens not included.

Tickets can be pre-ordered at

The Chocolutionaries look forward to introducing you to the power of real, bean to bar chocolate at this critical rendezvous.

Viva la Chocolution!